It's my life

"I still can't believe what I'm gonna do or gonna go to! Aren't you happy Jeff?" I was a little excited perhaps.
"Yeah.. perhaps.. " I know he sounds sad later on in my life, but at that time i didn't even notice his 'sadness'.... "I'm gonna miss you Anderson. So... what time are you gonna fly tomorrow?"
"I think at 10 am? I'm not sure."
"I'll see you taking off tomorrow then... Wish you all e best brother."

I hung up. I wandered around the house, searching for any items that I might have forgotten to take. I was rather skipping around the house.
It was 21.45 pm, and i went to bed. My mom followed me to my room, and after tucking me in, my dad also appeared behind her.
"Anderson, we will miss you. Study well there. Don't forsake us and your ancestors. Godspeed." My mom told me that, then kissed me on my cheek.
I suddenly remembered something. "Mom I really want to know something. For 12 years, I still do not know why I do not have a surname."
"It's a long story dear. I'll tell you tomorrow. It's late, and you have to wake up at 7 am."
And so they left me, and i slept, thinking what is going to happen. I knew myself as a lonely person who never talked much, except when I'm with Jeffrey. I knew I'm not a very bright student. Am I gonna be able to do well there? Well... God knows.

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"Time really passed through our life, bro. It was like a week ago when I made a good friend with you. I still remember how we met in the kindergarten." Jeffrey talked to me in a soft tone... sounds as if he gonna cry. There he stands shorter than me, looking a little skinny after the riotings. From out here he seems like a timid person who do not know how to do anything, but in fact, he's well-built. He's a pro in basketball, which I am never was. All I did was sitting around all day, keeping my fats and let myself be overweight. I was 68 kg with 152 cm tall. "Remember, we will always be there when you need us. When in trouble, just holler. Holler like Mr. Budiman."
Both of us laughed.

"Final call for Anderson, flight no. GAR-021, please board your plane as soon as possible. The plane will take off in a few minutes."
"This is it." I said ." Mom, dad, I'm gonna miss you. Grampa, grandma, I'm gonna miss your cooking. Jeffrey's parents. It's really great to always have you taking care of me when my parents are away. And to Jeffrey... I'm gonna miss you"
"Take care Anderson... You will be coming back again right..?"
".... yeah.. of course.. why not. To tell jokes to each other again."
"Do come back someday. We will feast together" Jeffrey's mom was smiling at me.
"This is it. It's time to go. I will miss all of you. I love you."
I gave everybody a hug, and Jeffrey a tight hug.
I ended with a smile.

In the plane, I looked outside, and i saw the villages, non-urban area. I saw kids playing around with the kite. I saw the maidens harvesting in padi fields. I saw dads talking each other.
Will I be able to feel as happy as those kids down there?
As the plane went up, goes through the clouds, the scene slowly faded away.
I look at the clouds.
That was the first time I ever miss Indonesia. And for first time I felt this emotion: a sadness. As in, of course I have felt sadness, but never as deep as this.
The first tear reached my cheek when i saw the shape of the cloud: a love.

life is a road i wanna keep going
love is a river i wanna keep going.
life is a road, now and forever wonderful journey.

everytime i look at movies and videos, i see bliss when ppl fall in love... esp when they kiss each other.
juz like e one i watched in peter pan (movie), moulin rouge, titanic... etc...
that chemistry behind it is so powerful... i really wish i can have it =)

jeez!! its already a month!! omg!! i havent updated for sooooooooo long. Sorry. too many stuff to do...... esp american stupid stuff... i cant even go back to Singapore to visit fren... czo of american's law of judicracy bullsh*t.
This is gonna be e loneliest christmas ever T_T

Man.. I am already walking in another path halfway, and i started to make new friends. Many old friends have forgotten who I am. You meet many ppl in my path of life, but you can never get back the good ol' frens you had in the past. How i wish i can make a U-turn to the path, and restart my path from there. Wrong choice, perhaps. Nevertheless, I would like to thank all those whom I met in my path of life. You've been great, and although you forget me, I will not ^^. I'm walking in another path, but I still can see some you in the other path. We can still talk for a while before we are really far away =)

Anyway, here's my continuation... took me sumtimes to remember wat i've written.


"The number you've just called is currently unavailable. Please try again later. Nomor yang anda hubung tidak ...." Before even the operator spoke finish, I hung up my mom's handphone. I started to worry about Jeffrey and his family.
"Dear, stop thinking about your friend, it's only harming you. You are getting tense these days." My mom told me, but I ignored her.
We were in the Singapore embassy in Medan, requesting for a greencard. Me , I had to move to Singapore to join my sister and brother who were already there.
"Don't worry, even if u move to Singapore nobody will forget you and you will make new good friends!"
My mom tried to cheer me up but it was a vain attempt. All that was in my mind was Jeffrey, and about how it will be like to move to Singapore. I remembered going there twice, once to visit my siblings, and the other times to have a holiday tour. It was a nice small country, with clean surrounding and atmosphere, but having not-so-nice-people. There was an incident whereby I was lectured by this
ah-so who talked so loud with her friend that I threw something at her, and she was furious for that.

My dad stopped working temporarily, and as for me, I stopped going school for a while, fearing there might be further riotings break-out. Goin to Singapore embassy is already a problem as we had to dress like muslims, to cover our 'chinese' faces. We seldom ever go out unless when it's necessary, such as buying groceries or meeting some important people for dad's in-house-business. Phone bill has gone up to the roof, and so is the electricity bill. My dad was using 60% of the price.

One day, my dad came home from meeting with some important guy called Mr.Hendrik.... and as soon as he approached me he told me...
"Anderson, I have a good news and a bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?"
My mom faced us for a while and faced back to her tauge-plucking chores. I took a glance at her face, and looked back at my dad.
"I think I want the good news. There has been to many bad news."
".... Whatever. Anyway, I need to tell you that Jeffrey's alive."
My eye widened. I was kinda excited. In my mind I was thinking 'weeeeeee!'. My mom smiled at me, and back again to her preparation of tonight's dinner. (Yuck.. I hate tauge...)
"And wat's the bad news?"
"He's in hospital. Minor leg injury and major blood contamination of iron, titanus."
"Tee-tah-naas.. what?"
"Titanus. Happens when somebody stepped onto or pierced something into any part of the body; If it bleeds, the rust gonna get into your blood, and kaboom, you 'll die in a few days. but no worry, he had his remedy injected into him already, and he's under extreme care. He should be alright in a few weeks."
I was still a little worried.
"Can we pay a visit to him?"
"Not today. We are not prepared to go out."
"When can we go?"
"Perhaps tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that."
"errh.... okaaay...?"

*******************************************************

"Hey! I didn't expect to see you so soon! Wassup buddy! How have you been!?" Jeffrey was talking in such a bliss, and his words show a little pain. "Hey! don't touch my leg!"
"I'm okay and I'm fine. I've never hear from you for so long! U gotta tell me what happened!" I was looking at his leg.
"It's a long story. I'll tell you when I recover. I'm too weak to talk here, mate."
"Oh okay, you must take care okay? So how's your parents?"
"Both of them are okay... their injuries are less severe and they will be released by tomorrow. Feel free to play or borrow my Nintendo in my home when you are bored."
And I did that.

"This is ridiculous. What do those blastered muslims want from us!?" My dad was in such rage. "Don't tell me our house was raided."
"Calm down, Widjaja. There's no use of being angry over all these. What's gone is gone. U can't turn a porridge into rice. U can't do anything about it." My mom replied calmly, though i can still see her strain in the face. She retained that little pimple that was already there for 3 weeks. She was too stressed up to give attention to that little carbuncle distortion on her face. Why don't she ask me to pinch it out?
Then we heard over the radio. " The mobs are wiping out some houses and killing any chinese they see. Homes are plundered and the polices are trying to stop them by throwing tear gas and some of the riots fought back. The invulnerable shield seems to be obselete by now, as the size of the mobs increases....." the announcer of the radio paused for a moment. "Wait... new incoming report from Samanhudi. New re-inforcement from the police force has approached and they are carrying a few deadly weapons like bayonets and machine guns........"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Looks like we were lucky." My mom showed her slight happy face after a few weeks of agony. "Our house remained intact."
"Yeah... we were lucky... bless the Lord..." My dad looks glad and seemed to be filled with bliss. " We should go for a celebration!"
"No. don't forget that the muslims are still around. We should stay indoor these few days."
"But... " My dad sighed as he lost his fantasy of drinking his favourite beer, 'Bir Bintang'.
"No buts. Both of you, listen. And you too, Sari and Fatimah." She was referring to my dad, me, and my 2 maids. "I want all of you to help me. We are going to lock every single door here and block and windows to prevent te outsiders from looking inside. We are only leaving a small hole to peek outside. Widjaja, Andy, both of you go for the doors. Fatimah and Sari, go for the windows."
"And you!?" All of us exclaimed.
"I wash the dish"

We were rather lucky, as the riots didn't manage to reach inside our neighbourhood while weare gone. Only about 12- 16 houses remained standing in this area after the big mobs. There were some bodies lying on the road, mostly the bodies of the killed protesters. The police force is securing this area and cleaning up the street. Just for safety, we have to do what mom said.
The maids did mention that one of the mob managed to climb in our house through the backgate( they were inside the house. They did not come with us to Mr. Allen's house). Fatimah took a broomstick and hit his hand, and he dropped. He ran away. That was rather freaky all right.......

4 days later

"Looks like it's safe now. I think we can start taking out our wooden board from the door." My mom telling us all. "Anyway the police force has stationed their units here... We should be safe. And furthermore, we are running out of food supply."
"Agreed" My dad said.
"Agreed" My maids replied.
"Agreed." I replied fatiguely.
We felt terrible after locking ourselves inside our house for 4 days. It's miserable i tell you. We must rely on our lamp all the time, and we can't even make loud noise. We have to stay and sit in the room, staring at the wall and ceiling for 16 hours a day. What agony....

The next day

"Andy, do you want to go abroad and study, just like your sister and brother?" My mom asked me.
I shook my head. "Yes."
"Good, it will be much better for you in Singapore. This place is no more safe for you. You will have to leave."
"How bout you, mom?"
"We will stay here."
"But i can't live without you."
"Yes you can. You are already 12. You are going to be 13 soon, and I trust your siblings can take care of you even if you are unable to."
I remained silent. I juz walked away and went into the living room.

That night I overheard my parents' conversation.
"We can't afford to let him stay here." That sounds like my mom.
"Yeah sure, but you can't force a kid to go somewhere when he doesn't want to."
"Do you prefer to let him decide or die here?"
"Of course I don't want him to die. I love him."
"Then we will have to force him to go overboard! We have no choice!"
"Is Jeffrey coming with him overboard?"
"Dear, don't forget, he and his family were nowhere to be found."
"I forgot about that...."
" You better don't tell him anything about Jeffrey. It's gonna make things worse."
"I understand."
I opened my eyes wide while lying on the bed when I heard what hapened to Jeffery. I couldn't believe what i've just heared. I couldn't belive that he and his family disappeared.... My buddy, lost, just like that. God please, don't let him die. Protect him..... I already knew him for 9 years, and please don't take him away from me. He's the only friend i can rely on. We played together. We look at girls together. We swear together. We studied together. We ran together. And if he were to die, we'll die together.
I don't know what makes me say that at that night. I was just shocked after hearing myself saying that... and I'm just scared of death. I closed my eyes. I couldn't sleep that night.

jeez.. relax ppl.. i was too busy to update. relax mon!here's my next entry!
wait before that, i have a few good times here ^^
e situation's changing, i can adapt to american stuff easier now tat i have a few ppl to talk to and i'm very involved in certain club programme. thank all e ppl, and to God.
Anyway, here's my entry:


EBTANAS. I got more nervous each time i hear that word. So did my friends. So did my mother. So did the teachers. Almost everybody feared that word, except, perhaps those who are not in any education schools, or those officials who set up excruciatingly difficult exams. EBTANAS can be compared to Singapore's PSLE system, or English and french bacauleratte (how do u spell it??) system, or perhaps american graduation examination in junior high school.

Everybody studied hard for EBTANAS. Everybody except the chinese. Why? Do you remember that Indonesia has extremely high corruption? Money is a no problem. Money is like a rain to chinese. We grow money everywhere. And there's such thing as bribery. Bribing is good way to show your kid's study status.

80% students of my class are chinese. All of them are rich. All of them cheated. Including me. We bribed. We bought the sample test paper from the officials. We memorized the answers. We wrote what we have remembered and we scored 99 out of 100.
Then there will be questions from the teachers:
How in the world can some of you who scored so low for the normal CA can jump so high up to 90th percentile in this exam? (lol)
Anybody who cheated raise your hand. (then there will be silent)
If u admit you cheated, I will give u candy (oh puh-lease!!)
I will not terminate you scores (yeah right)
Then there was a student who raised his hand (what an idiot)
He got 0 for his exams. He retained (serve you right)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Current news: a bomb in 'Gereja HKBP', a.k.a the biggest church in Medan. 32 chinese and 2 muslims killed. According to the newsreporter, there was a big fight outside the church between the christians and muslims....."
"Shut it off." My father told my mom, " there is no point hearing same news again and again. And this place is not safe for us anymore."
"Bur dear, what can we do?" My mom sounds worried.....
"We can go to Alan's house." Widjaja said. "Yeah... Alan's house. His house is big. He's a nice person. He will give us a temporary shelter."
"Let's go then. Don't just stay here."
I kept quiet throughout their conversation. I remained zipped up.

The current situation is terrible. There are riots everywhere. Riotings in front of President's parliament. Riots in every schools in Indonesia. Riots in churches. Riots...... i hate them.. they took everything away from me. It was late 1998. The president was busted for keeping in too much corruption. The people demanded him to step down. The corruption made the country suffers from economic downterm... a money crisis event in indonesia in 1999. The muslims blamed us as the chinese mutts who stole everything away from them. They said we made too much bribery. They said we are to bloody rich and they are not happy about it as we are only minorities.

Think of it... how can you be success when you idiot indonesians didn't even study when you were young? We paid more taxes than you people. And our money goes to the president's pocket as corruption. It's not our fault. When your mom asked you to go school, did you obey her? Did you REALLY go to school? Or did u merely played around, and ended up either retained in school or trenched out? Think of it. All you guys think are fun. Only fun, and nothing else. We chinese worked hard and we deserve wat we can manage to get.

"Thanks for letting us stay here temporarily Allen." My pop thanked him.
"No problem buddy. You are always welcome to stay here." He welcomed my dad and us back.
"How 'bout Jeffrey?" I asked my dad.
".... he'll be safe somewhere."
"...... is that a good answer?"
"No. But if you want to be selfish right now and you prefer his life than your life, go ahead. I won't forbid you to go out. But if you get killed it's not my fault."
"Widjaja! Stop talking like that to your son!" My mom scolded my dad.
I kept silent.
Both of them turned away from me and talked to Allen and his family instead. I don't like them. They don't have any children. I mean... they have but all of them moved to America or somewhere.. I have nobody to talk to. Now I'm thinking of my father as a selfish guy, not me.

There was a report on radio.
"And now, new reporting from Samanhudi...."
"That's our street!" My mom shouted. " Everybody keep quiet!"
"riots moved their path to Jln. Samanhudi, the street next to HKBP church. currently the mob is fighting fiercely using bamboo shoots, stones, crushed glasses, etc against the riot police. The mobs managed to raid some houses nearby..............."

(to be continued)

I have confession in 15 languages:

J'aime Dieu

Ich liebe Gott

Amo Dio

Adoro a Dios

Ik houd van God

Amo Deus

jeg elsker Gud

Wà âi tio Yésu

Saya cinta Tuhan

я люблю бога

αγαπώ το Θεό

我爱耶稣

私は神を愛する

나는 신을 사랑한다

I Love God

PS: i posted my 5th series in previous entry

I look at WilliamHalimun talking with his good friend Fenny Seiburi and Christina Kyanti. I saw 3 of them talking so cheerfully.
I wrote their names down on a piece of paper.
I looked at Robin Hasta, Johnson Setiadi, Benmont Curam, and the rest of the gangs talking so loudly.
I wrote their names on a piece of paper.
I wrote every names of the person who talk a lot.
I am the prefect of the class.

In Indonesian system, there is this thing called 'ketertiban' and 'silence' of class. Once a class scores a certain point of silence in classroom, usually that class get a reward. Out teacher-in-charge of our class wanted that reward so badly that he called me out to write down evey names of people who talk. On the next day, the person whom I wrote down on the paper will be punished. And mind you, punished as in REALLY punished. The teacher will use a rotan to hit your palm 40 times with full force. After each stroke you will feel nothing on your palm but coldness and painless skin that jaws out after each hit.

As what i've said: the next day 34 people out of 55 students were called out and punished. In the end we spent half the study period watching the teach hit out fellow calssmates. Every students who finished receiving their punishment stared at me, holding their palms with the expression of pain and agony, then returned back to their sit. Some cried, especially the girls. I felt guilty.

On that day, I did what I've been told to do. So was the day after that. So was the day after the next day. Each day the number of people in my list reduced.

A week was gone, and I felt very bad about it. Friends started to avoid me and didn't want to talk to me. Everybody except, who else, but Jeff. Even when he talked I didn't write his name..... Well.. since he's my best friend at that time... yep.
I decided to stop being what I was. I asked the teacher's permission and he didn't allow it to happen. I started not to note down any of the people's name. I ignored the noise of the class.

Next day

"Why is there nobody in the list today?" Mr. Budiman asked me, with this thunderous voice.
"Because nobody talked." I anwered.
"Well, according to this book, 3 consecutive peroids were so noisy that the teachers had to leave early."
I said nothing.
"So? Explain!"
"..............."
"You have no mouth?"
"Yes sir I have."
"Then talk."
"It's my fault. I didn't note anybody's name yesterday."
"Oh. Is that so?"
"Yes."
"Then you will receive the punishment."
"........?" I looked at him astonishingly.
"Give me your hand."
"No."
"I SAID GIVE ME YOUR HAND! OR DO YOU WANT ME TO USE FORCE!"
"Never."
He use his fist, grabbed my palm and pull it upward. He raised his other hand with the rotan and let his hand fall with force, like a Niagara Fall, and stroked my hand, leaving a red mark on my skin. I shouted with pain.
"This is only the first stroke. You have 39 more hits to go."
"You are insane! You hit me harder than anyone else!"
"I'm insane? That's right. I'm insane!"
This time he use his rotan to give a strike to my left leg. I jumped. H hit the other leg. I fell.
"That's when you do not want to give me your hand."
I was such in pain I couldn't answer what he said. He started to beat my leg.
10 strokes on the leg................. 5 strokes on my shoulder......... 5 on my back............. 10 on my hands....... 4 on my buttock... 3 on my palms. I cried. I cried like a little baby who were just borned. I cried like there was no more painful days like that.

just when he finished his last stroke, the vice- principal passed by.
"What happened here?" He asked.
At his back, the superintendent of the school was watching me. His face showed a shocked face. Both of them came to me and asked if I was okay. Am I alright? Who did this to me? What happened?
It was too painful to talk.
"I need an answer from you, Mr. Budiman. What happened?" The vice-principal exclaimed.
Mr. Budiman told he whole story.
"Mr. Budiman, I understand that you did that because of your strict rule. And Anderson, do you have any say?" The VP asked me.
"Yes..... I did that..... because I want...... to protect my...... friends." The class looked at me. One of them stood up and said, "Sir, what's your point of beating us up like that? Is it just because you want that award so badly? You dare to torture everybody just to reach your small goal? You can be sued for that." That was Jeffrey.
He was speechless. The class started to make noise.
"Silence!" The VP shouted. "Mr. Budiman. I think your punishment is too severe for kids in primary 5. This is not concentration camp! This act is not tolerated in schools! Although we agreed upon the race of "The Most Silent" class award, we didn't agree upon beating up little kids like this! This is meant to encourage students to be quiet, not for becoming deprived from social life."
Mr. Budiman was speechless.
"You are officially fired."
"Wha... What? No. You can't do that!"
"Oh yes I can. Or would ratehr be accused for child abuse? That seems betetr for me. U only need to pay 10,000,000 rupiah (about US$2500 or about S$5000 at that time, and is considered A LOT before southeastern economy crisis) to release yourself from prison."
Mr. Budiman had nothing to say and quickly left.
I was sent to nearby clinic, then to the hospital.
Friends started to come took a visit on me. They thanked me. They talked to me. They entertained me. They stayed up 'till 7 pm at times (which is considered very late in Indonesia at that period of time due to the high rate of crime).
I recovered in 2 weeks.

Sometimes friendship needs sacrifice.
Sometimes friendship can't come without trust.
To me, friendship is no.1
There's nothing more than friendship in this world.
A friend in need is a friend in deed.

PS: that's wat makes me so gullible to people... because of that I tend to get cheated. Like today, I was scammed by a player in runescape. I decided to stop playing. But feel free to try it out in www.runescape.com

"Jeff, help! U gotta help me!" I was shouting like a mad man in the canteen.
It was saturday, last day of school for the week (In Indonesia, schooldays are every week from monday to saturday). I totally forgot about my homework and the teacher was going to give a '0' to those who didn't finish it. Man. That sux.
"Poor Anderson. Why didn't you ask me yesterday? Jeez.." He replied in dissapointment. "Oh well, here... just make sure you return it to me on science period... and don't lost it again!"
He handed over the book with title "Buku Latihan Ilmu Pengetahuan Alam oleh Hambali Jurasiti", or "Science exercise book by Hambali Jurasiti."
"I will not."

*************************************************

"Where did you put it??" Jeffrey was shouting
"Erh.... I really forget! wait! let me try to find it again!" I answered with a panicky voice.
"Jeez Anderson! For 6 years of being in the same class and you had never changed."
"I'm so sorry!" I was looking through the other benches. "I really forgot where did I put it."
"Yo... how can we find it here in pri.2 classroom? Oh please!"
"Erh.. well.. we already tried checking our class...?" I took a peek at the dustbin. "So I guess it's worth searching here..."
"Holy God! We are using a primary 3 exercise book dude! How can you possibly find it in primary 2 classroom!?"
"Good point. Let's search other primary 3 classroom."
He sighed.
Jeffrey was a brighter student than I was, yet ironically I'm always the top student in my class. He's always one position behind me.

12.30 pm

We searched the whole classrooms on the primary 3 block. We search from class 3A to 3Z. 26 classes. We found nothing.
"Anderson! Can I kill you?"
"Erh.... no."
He looked at me with a slight bloodshot sharp eyes.... he spent almost one whole night doing his homework... and now I lost his book.. together with mine.
"Wait. I think I know where did I put it." I suddenly just remember where did i put it.......
"Where?"
"Let's go canteen."
"You put it there??"
"Erh... I dunno?"
He sighed again.
As we entered the canteen, there were not many people. It was end of school and probably 3 people excluding us were the only few who stayed behind. We asked around and searched, and we found nothing, nil. We managed to annoy a high school student as we were searching our books under the table, where his girlfriend and he himself were sitting the bench next to it. Our mistake was to search in the girl's skirt.

2.00 pm

"Oh my God. Anderson, if you do not find it in 15 minutes I'll make sure that I'll kick your ass and I won't be your best friend anymore."
"Okay okay! Relax! Lemme think!"
"........."
"........."
".................grr........" He stared at me with his sinister look.
".... (gulp).........." I looked at the cupboard in the classroom. It looked like a refrigerator in my home (somehow). That reminds me of the refrigirator in the canteen.
"Ah! I remember! I remember where did I put it!"
My face was filled with hope and the sun was shining right at me.
"Where? What theory are you gonna make up this time? The book is in the female toilet? You ate it? Or is it in your underwear?"
"No no no. I'm serious this time."
We ran to the canteen together, and went to the only open canteen kiosk. The pair of lovebirds were not there. The place started to get crowded. The afternoon session students gonna start their school soon. We ran to the refrigerator of the canteen. I opened it. I saw 2 books with the title "Buku Latihan Ilmu Pengetahuan Alam oleh Hambali Jurasiti", one with my initial 'Andy' and the other with his initial 'JS'.

"Oh yeah baby we found it." I shouted with joy.
" I was looking forward to kicking your ass.. I'll postpone it for now."
"Still best friend?"
"Since you found my book, yes."
We did our 'secret' handshake.
"Wait, how the heck did you put it in the fridge???"
".... I can't remember..."

We handed in our excercise book in time, and we got 100 points for that.

'Till today, I still have no idea why our books were there.
The friendship between me and Jeffrey continues.
There was a red stone on the table beside us when we were in one of the primary 2 classroom.
We learnt the word 'chee bai' that day after a secondary school student shooed us from canteen.

hi babes and bapoks! feel free to test yourself on friendtest under my link! see how good u r XD